This doesn't apply to just teenagers. Anyone younger than 30 has probably noticed this trend by now.
The only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.
Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.
It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.
This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.
The article says more about the author, or maybe their particular generation or social group, than the general public. People have been screening calls with answering machines since before mobile phones were even a thing. Caller ID on mobile phones was brought in specifically so people could screen their calls.
I am well over 40 and when you don't schedule a call I wont pick up the call. Maybe I will call you back 20 mins later just to - passive aggressively - teach you that being called is annoying ...
I answer every call, and if it’s a scammer I talk to them as long as possible. They hate it. Haven’t gotten a scam call in months. I’m sure I’ve spent less time total this year dealing with spam calls by answering them vs. not.
Gen Z here. Personally I’m glad to get a call from a close friend any time. Especially when it serves the purpose of them just telling me about something funny or interesting that has happened, to discuss some issue where tone of our speech is an essential part of communication, or to organize some get-together and make plans. In such cases I actually appreciate getting the call and happily pick up the phone. I only don’t if it’s an unknown number, or if the person repeatedly only calls to ask for a favor. Robocalls I don’t get often.
I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?
Relatedly, I am seriously considering getting a landline again so that I (and my young children) can once again live in a world where the barrier to a "quick chat" with friends or family is lowered.
I'd love for my daughter to be able to just pick up the phone, call her friend, and schedule a hangout for that afternoon. (Or for me to be able to do the same with her friend's parents).
And having a dedicated landline for this means none of this needs to involve the mobile phone intruding on our home life.
I do answer any call, but I am never introducing myself, nor using affirmative words. The moment I will figure out I have got an advertisement call, I am immediately hanging up. So I a not surprised that teenagers are not answering calls - it is very likely advertisement.
I’m middle aged and communicate almost exclusively via text for non-work stuff. But I’m often reminded about how easy it is for things to be misconstrued over text.
Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.
I was praising her strengths but I guess they weren’t the areas she wants to be strong in. So she perceived it as not being important in those other areas.
Phone calls are really problematic for people with memory problems too, since there is usually no recording or summary of the call. Perhaps when offline speech-to-text models get good enough that will change. Some phones already have transcription/summarisation for voicemails, so it isn't a big step to enabling it for all calls.
FYI you can “silence unknown callers” on the iPhone, just search under settings. Then your whitelist is people you have in your contacts. Maybe Android has a similar setting too, I don’t know though.
The issue with DND is that it blocks all incoming notifications as well. That's not what I want at all times. A push notification doesn't take over my device like a phone call does, and I want to be able to get notifications from chat or email even though the sender isn't in my white list.
The whole system underlying phone calls is broken in the same way that the internet is, i.e relying on a level of trust that just isn't there. There is no argument I will accept that will persuade me that any device should be able to contact any other device at all times. There is no need for such a synchronous type of communication, now that we have had the internet for over 40 years.
> Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?
I would see it analogous to someone in real-life saying hi and the other person ignoring them. Is that rude? Depends on your relationship with the person. A salesman? No. Someone you're really close to? Maybe; depends on your relationship with them. Boss? Likely.
It also depends on whether you call back, in case you were driving or something.
> "When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
If they didn't text back, I might see it as reasonable grounds for some type of punishment, depending on a number of factors (time of day, where they're supposed to be, how they've been behaving lately, etc.).
Another comment talked about not being obligated to answer, but towards one's parent when they're a teen? This is one of those relationships where they would have an obligation to answer.
> "I would see it analogous to someone in real-life saying hi and the other person ignoring them. Is that rude? Depends on your relationship with the person. A salesman? No. Someone you're really close to? Maybe; depends on your relationship with them. Boss? Likely."
I would find it unreasonable for anyone to think that who ever they are calling is able to take a phone call at all times. Sometimes I am driving, swimming, sleeping, working, in a conversation with other human beings, or just taking time out. I don't expect other people to be available to me at all times, and would expect the same from them.
My boss knows that I am only available during work hours or during any "pager-duty" times. Otherwise I am not to be contacted (extreme edge cases exist).
If you don't set guidelines for your own time and attention, someone else will do so for you.
Whenever I get a call, my iPhone never rings. I’m not the only one this happens to. It’s been quite a while. Maybe a year. I have tried turning off all continuity phone settings as some people say this helps.
I don't even get calls from my doctor anymore, everything is done online/through a portal, I just get an email with a link to my doctor's "secure portal," enter my DoB, and all our "conversations" are right there, neatly organised by topic.
If anything, if I'm getting calls from anybody in my family (or if I'm calling them), it's just assumed that it's a life-or-death problem that *genuinely* needs to be dealt with right now. Very few things in this world are so urgent that they need to be addressed right now.
I'm in my fifth decade and I only answer the phone if it's someone I personally recognize - and, even then, I often let it ring out or dismiss it, unless it's my immediate family members.
I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.
This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.
I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.
I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.
Start answering them, tell the robot the right things to talk to a human, and say this:
“You have made an unsolicited call to a cell phone. Per federal law, you are required to tell me the NAME and ADDRESS of your company so I can sue you. Do so now.”
No idea if any of that is true, but my scam call rates have dropped to less than 1/mo.
Keep in mind that you should rethink your communication mechanisms when you have to deal with medical professionals. Healthy? Yeah use voicemail. But otherwise they view their time as more important than yours.
I'm a millennial, and in case an unexpected call is answered on my phone, that means that my phone is stolen. I don't even remember when was the last time I answered a surprise call. I think that was in the early 90s I think, when I was in kindergarten still...
I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.
If it's a routine call from a service provider or what have you I'll also let it ring but this from the article is crazy to me:
"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.
All of my phone calls go straight to my email via an AI powered text transcription. Then that rings the terminal bell so the color on my tmux status bar changes and I'll call you back if/when I want to.
I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.
This doesn't apply to just teenagers. Anyone younger than 30 has probably noticed this trend by now.
The only people I answer the phone to are people I know who prefer that mode of communication. That list mostly consists of people older than me, with a few exceptions. For everyone else, whatever textual mode of communication is my preferred way to talk, since then I have a record to go back to, time to think to respond, no social pressure to talk right now, and no worries about actually being able to hear the person.
Spam calls probably accelerated this cultural phenomenon, but I've atleast been this way before spam calls were as bad as they are now.
It's always funny to me how not answering the phone is presented as rude by some people, when calling someone is essentially just shouting 'talk to me, now!' at them.
This[1] comment from a while back also resonates with me a lot.
[1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43976815
The article says more about the author, or maybe their particular generation or social group, than the general public. People have been screening calls with answering machines since before mobile phones were even a thing. Caller ID on mobile phones was brought in specifically so people could screen their calls.
> Anyone younger than 30 has probably noticed this trend by now.
I'm almost 40 and generally don't answer the phone. "What the f* are you doing calling me?"
I am well over 40 and when you don't schedule a call I wont pick up the call. Maybe I will call you back 20 mins later just to - passive aggressively - teach you that being called is annoying ...
I'm almost 40 and I only answer the phone if whoever is calling me messaged me to ask if they could call me.
Just for fun, you can approach texts with a metaphorical “talk to me now!” shout by simply texting “Hey”
It is amusing how well it works at getting a quick response.
Obligatory https://www.nohello.com/
Hey
Sup
I need you to pick me up some Taco Bell
I tried calling in the order, but nobody's answering.
I don't think its just teenagers. Unless I know the number or am expecting a call, I don't pickup either. Too many scam calls or sales calls.
I answer every call, and if it’s a scammer I talk to them as long as possible. They hate it. Haven’t gotten a scam call in months. I’m sure I’ve spent less time total this year dealing with spam calls by answering them vs. not.
Have the same, unless I am expecting a call or it is known number I am not picking up.
It kind of extends to my house as well, like I have intercom disconnected most of times and I connect it back when I expect visitors or delivery.
I was a teenager like 20 years ago.
Gen Z here. Personally I’m glad to get a call from a close friend any time. Especially when it serves the purpose of them just telling me about something funny or interesting that has happened, to discuss some issue where tone of our speech is an essential part of communication, or to organize some get-together and make plans. In such cases I actually appreciate getting the call and happily pick up the phone. I only don’t if it’s an unknown number, or if the person repeatedly only calls to ask for a favor. Robocalls I don’t get often.
I agree with the argument presented here that one can communicate more effectively by intentionally not making oneself available right away and allowing oneself to be silent first. I totally relate to this in cases where e.g. a friend is asking for advice. However I feel that this is used mostly as an excuse to avoid communication. I don’t think there is a non-negligible proportion of teenagers that really think to themselves “hmm this matter calls for some contemplation, I should answer later”, rather “I really don’t want to deal with this right now”. I also feel that, similarly, what I see in the comments here is less “I don’t answer calls so that I communicate more effectively”, rather “I don’t answer because I don’t want to be bothered with real human interaction”, and I think that’s just sad. How can someone take such pride in intentionally isolating and disconnecting himself?
Yes, I strongly agree with all of this.
Relatedly, I am seriously considering getting a landline again so that I (and my young children) can once again live in a world where the barrier to a "quick chat" with friends or family is lowered.
I'd love for my daughter to be able to just pick up the phone, call her friend, and schedule a hangout for that afternoon. (Or for me to be able to do the same with her friend's parents).
And having a dedicated landline for this means none of this needs to involve the mobile phone intruding on our home life.
If your phone number isn't in my contacts list, your call goes straight to voicemail.
I do answer any call, but I am never introducing myself, nor using affirmative words. The moment I will figure out I have got an advertisement call, I am immediately hanging up. So I a not surprised that teenagers are not answering calls - it is very likely advertisement.
I’m middle aged and communicate almost exclusively via text for non-work stuff. But I’m often reminded about how easy it is for things to be misconstrued over text.
Just the other day I sent what I meant to be an encouraging text to someone. Turns out I sent her into a spiral of self doubt by accident. It took a long phone call the following day to get us back on the same page.
This reminds me of my favorite Key and Peele sketch: https://youtube.com/watch?v=naleynXS7yo.
What did you say???
I was praising her strengths but I guess they weren’t the areas she wants to be strong in. So she perceived it as not being important in those other areas.
I think they were pulling your leg.
Unfortunately not, but it’s all good now.
Phone calls are really problematic for people with memory problems too, since there is usually no recording or summary of the call. Perhaps when offline speech-to-text models get good enough that will change. Some phones already have transcription/summarisation for voicemails, so it isn't a big step to enabling it for all calls.
I'm in my late 30's and if it was possible I would block all incoming calls, except those from a whitelist.
Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?
FYI you can “silence unknown callers” on the iPhone, just search under settings. Then your whitelist is people you have in your contacts. Maybe Android has a similar setting too, I don’t know though.
Android phones (at least some of them) have "Do Not Disturb" mode which blocks calls from numbers not in your Favorites (i.e. starred contacts)
The issue with DND is that it blocks all incoming notifications as well. That's not what I want at all times. A push notification doesn't take over my device like a phone call does, and I want to be able to get notifications from chat or email even though the sender isn't in my white list.
The whole system underlying phone calls is broken in the same way that the internet is, i.e relying on a level of trust that just isn't there. There is no argument I will accept that will persuade me that any device should be able to contact any other device at all times. There is no need for such a synchronous type of communication, now that we have had the internet for over 40 years.
> Never seen it prescribed to manners if someone picks up a phone or not. Is that a US thing?
I would see it analogous to someone in real-life saying hi and the other person ignoring them. Is that rude? Depends on your relationship with the person. A salesman? No. Someone you're really close to? Maybe; depends on your relationship with them. Boss? Likely.
It also depends on whether you call back, in case you were driving or something.
> "When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
If they didn't text back, I might see it as reasonable grounds for some type of punishment, depending on a number of factors (time of day, where they're supposed to be, how they've been behaving lately, etc.).
Another comment talked about not being obligated to answer, but towards one's parent when they're a teen? This is one of those relationships where they would have an obligation to answer.
> "I would see it analogous to someone in real-life saying hi and the other person ignoring them. Is that rude? Depends on your relationship with the person. A salesman? No. Someone you're really close to? Maybe; depends on your relationship with them. Boss? Likely."
I would find it unreasonable for anyone to think that who ever they are calling is able to take a phone call at all times. Sometimes I am driving, swimming, sleeping, working, in a conversation with other human beings, or just taking time out. I don't expect other people to be available to me at all times, and would expect the same from them.
My boss knows that I am only available during work hours or during any "pager-duty" times. Otherwise I am not to be contacted (extreme edge cases exist).
If you don't set guidelines for your own time and attention, someone else will do so for you.
American here. Definitely not a US thing. Most likely the headline is an attempt to gin up some controversy clicks.
Just because someone calls me, doesn’t mean I’m obligated to answer it.
Whenever I get a call, my iPhone never rings. I’m not the only one this happens to. It’s been quite a while. Maybe a year. I have tried turning off all continuity phone settings as some people say this helps.
100% of the time I get a call, it's spam, a doctor, or my mom.
I don't even get calls from my doctor anymore, everything is done online/through a portal, I just get an email with a link to my doctor's "secure portal," enter my DoB, and all our "conversations" are right there, neatly organised by topic.
If anything, if I'm getting calls from anybody in my family (or if I'm calling them), it's just assumed that it's a life-or-death problem that *genuinely* needs to be dealt with right now. Very few things in this world are so urgent that they need to be addressed right now.
PSA: You can “silence unknown callers” on the iPhone, just search under settings. Maybe Android has a similar setting too, I don’t know though.
I'm in my fifth decade and I only answer the phone if it's someone I personally recognize - and, even then, I often let it ring out or dismiss it, unless it's my immediate family members.
I'd say I let them go to voicemail, but that doesn't even work anymore. With "ringless voicemail drops" all 20 voicemail slots are filled within two days from the same three robocallers. I've given up staying ahead of it - anyone worth talking to knows one of the other handful of ways to immediately get a hold of me.
This is not a question of "politeness" - it's a matter of enshittification and profit seeking from the same handful of money perverts who own everything, leaving us with the scraps and the pain of dealing with their shortsightedness.
I seem to only use my phone these days for playing the occasional game, doomscrolling, and getting work-related emails when I'm not at my desk.
I question every day whether it's worth keeping. Every day it feels less worth it.
I get 5-10 robo calls a day, can’t blame anyone
Start answering them, tell the robot the right things to talk to a human, and say this:
“You have made an unsolicited call to a cell phone. Per federal law, you are required to tell me the NAME and ADDRESS of your company so I can sue you. Do so now.”
No idea if any of that is true, but my scam call rates have dropped to less than 1/mo.
register at https://www.donotcall.gov/ and that will come down to seldom-to-never.
This is empirically false as I've been registered for 19 years and still receive several a day.
People told me this about the DMAchoice website the FTC links to.
$6 later, and I receive exactly the same amount of junk mail as before.
The one that stops credit card offers, though, definitely worked for me. It's been a long while but I think it was the Opt Out PreScreen site.
About as effective as robots.txt.
Keep in mind that you should rethink your communication mechanisms when you have to deal with medical professionals. Healthy? Yeah use voicemail. But otherwise they view their time as more important than yours.
I think I answer my phone once/month, if that. All of my close friends message me through other means. Work is always Teams calls or Slack messages.
I've had my phone in silent/DND for the past 15 years and never answer the phone unless I'm awaiting a call.
I'm around 30yo.
I'm a millennial, and in case an unexpected call is answered on my phone, that means that my phone is stolen. I don't even remember when was the last time I answered a surprise call. I think that was in the early 90s I think, when I was in kindergarten still...
I don't answer any calls, and can't fathom why would anyone do that... never happened anything good from that.
I'm Gen X and I have never answered my cell phone. I bought it for my convenience, not for the convenience of everybody else.
Is it the fact that goddamned spammers have ruined phone calls for everyone?
Yep. Well, that and being on silent, no-vibration mode 24/7 because who wants beeps and buzzes?
Yes. The 90s was peak connectivity.
If it's a routine call from a service provider or what have you I'll also let it ring but this from the article is crazy to me:
"When I see 'Dad mobile' pop up on my screen, I will let it ring. I don't have the energy to answer a barrage of questions. I'd rather just text him after he hangs up," says 16-year-old Mehdi.
I'm twice that old and I'm not letting my parents or family hang if they call. What if they're in the ER or had an accident? And at 16, if I had told my mother "I don't have time for a barrage of questions" I might as well have signed my own death warrant. I don't think I'm particularly old fashioned but that's not how you interact with your parents if you're still a teenager.
That's not how you interact with people you want to remain in the good graces of, end of story.
If they're calling rather than texting it's urgent.
All of my phone calls go straight to my email via an AI powered text transcription. Then that rings the terminal bell so the color on my tmux status bar changes and I'll call you back if/when I want to.
I can't imagine managing a phone any other way. Unless you're paying me a lot of money or you live with me (and even then there are limits) you do not have the right to my immediate attention.